As moms who each have a teenager we know that September is an adjustment for the whole family. New teachers, changing friendships, homework, activities, and getting everyone out the door again. We’re hoping things are settling down, but sometimes we wonder too, "is my kid doing okay, or are they having a harder time than they’re letting on?"
We’ve both used tutoring as needed. We understand that feeling of wanting to help without hovering, asking too many questions, or turning every conversation into a discussion about school...lol.
But, we've learned, one rough evening or disappointing mark doesn’t tell us everything. We’re looking for patterns: is school gradually feeling more manageable, or is the same frustration showing up week after week?
With younger children, it might be avoiding reading, getting upset over math, or needing more help with something that they used to manage on their own.
With older students, it can be harder to tell. They may say everything is “fine,” while assignments pile up or homework takes over the evening. Sometimes a subject they used to enjoy becomes the one they don’t want to talk about.
We might hear, “everyone understands except me, I don’t know where to start, I’m just bad at this, there’s no point trying.”
These are hard things to hear. Our instinct may be to reassure them immediately or jump in with a solution. But sometimes the most helpful place to start is: “That sounds frustrating. Can you show me what you mean?”
If you have a teenager, you probably know how far “How was school?” gets you. “Fine.” Conversation complete!
A more specific question may give us a little more to work with...
“What was the best part of your day?”
“Which class is giving you the most trouble right now?”
“Can you show me where you’re getting stuck?”
“What would make homework a little easier?”
Timing matters, too. Sometimes they need food, a little space, and a chance to unwind before they’re ready to talk. A quiet conversation over a snack can go much further than questions over an unfinished assignment at bedtime.
We don’t have to solve everything in one conversation. Keeping the door open, and letting our children know they can ask for help without getting a lecture, is a good place to begin.